It’s almost the end of the year, and you know what that means; it’s time to break out your snarkiest jokes! Whether you’re ringing in the New Year at a party or spending time with family, these sarcastic New Year quotes are sure to get you some laughs.
From clever observations about resolutions to cynical musings on the years past, funny quotes will have everyone in stitches.
Fading Resolutions and Motivating Jokes
January 1st is the day everyone sets their New Year’s resolutions and promises to make this year better than the last. Fast forward a few months, and we’re already back to our old habits.
Trying to eat healthier? That pizza looks so good…exercising more? I certainly don’t feel like going for a run today!
If you are anything like us, you can relate to failed resolutions all too well. But it’s okay! Life happens, and sometimes those goals just seem too hard to reach. What better way than to laugh at ourselves and make fun of our ambitions (or lack thereof)? Let’s take a moment away from the seriousness of not achieving set goals and enjoy some lighthearted laughs about our own failures or those of others we know.
As we enter the new year, we are determined to make this the best year yet and hit all of our goals. But what about those days when motivation starts waning?
Where can we turn for a jolt of energy? How about humor and sarcasm! Here’s a collection of hilarious New Year quotes that will get you laughing out loud and pumped up for 2023.
The great thing about these quotes is that they don’t just have the power to crack us up, they also remind us why we’re setting these goals in the first place.
Sarcastic New Year Quotes on Resolutions
The time when we all reflect on the past 12 months and make resolutions for the next. But if you’ve ever made a resolution before, chances are it didn’t last beyond January 3rd. To make this New Year special, why not take a lighthearted approach with sarcastic New Year quotes on resolutions.
“My New Year’s resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic. Like I won’t screw that up right away.”
“Cheer’s to another year of resolutions we won’t finish. Happy New Year!”
“May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s Resolutions!”
“People treat New Year’s like some sort of life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow.”
“Cheers to those who are walking into 2023 single. Happy New Year!!”
“Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.”
Good resolutions are nothing but lofty promises made to ourselves with no real intention of following through. After all, why should anyone make an effort when they know there’s no actual benefit?
We fool ourselves into thinking that simply making these resolutions will give us some sort of reward or satisfaction, even though it’s never going to happen.
In essence, making resolutions without taking action is like trying to write a check without money in the bank, it won’t do anything! So if you want something out of life, don’t make empty promises; take up your courage and get what you want!
“My New Year’s resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes.”
“It’s officially New Year’s Eve, you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.”
“Don’t expect any New Year’s resolutions from me. I plan on staying the same awkward, sarcastic, foul-mounted delight, that you have all come to know and love!”
“My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.”
“My new year’s resolution was going to be that i would stop being sarcastic, but dammit, I’m no quitter.”
Many years ago, I made a New Year’s resolution to never make new year’s resolutions. Hell, it’s been the only resolution I’ve ever kept!
“My New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.”
“My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my tv.”
“A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”
Sarcastic New Year Quotes to Make You Laugh
With the New Year upon us, it’s time for some of that age-old holiday cheer. But if you’re looking for something a little more lighthearted and humorous, these sarcastic New Year quotes are just what you need!
“Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Some girls are made of sarcasm, wind, and everything fine.”
“You’d be in good shape, if you ran as much as your mouth. Happy New Year!”
This old adage often tells someone to stop talking and start doing. It’s ironic, given that running is incredibly difficult and requires a great deal of dedication and hard work, while talking can be done with relative ease.
Ultimately, this quote means that if you talk less and do more, your situation will improve drastically- so maybe it’s time to put the running shoes on!
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments in this New Year!!”
“I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead in this New Year.”
“I don’t have a new year’s resolution you don’t need that crap when you’re perfect.”
“I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.”
“I love it when they drop the ball in Times Square. It’s a nice reminder of what I did all year.”
“New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.”
“What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve? Social Security.”
“Dear Luck, …..can we be friends in 2023 Please?”
“What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve? He got 12 months!”
Drunk Sarcastic Quotes of New Year
As the New Year approaches, many of us begin to think of resolutions and changes we want to make in our lives. But before, you must survive the festivities! While it is important to keep a level head and remain safe, New Year’s is also a time for celebration and fun.
And what better way to celebrate than with a drink or two? Here are some of the selected funniest and most sarcastic quotes on being drunk on New Year.
”I want to get so drunk that if vampires bit my neck they’d get a Bloody Mary.”
”New Years Eve forecast: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.”
”Every New Year’s I have the same question: ‘How did I get home?”
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.
“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”
“I’m still the same person I was last year—now I’m just hung over.”
“Come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.” —William Shakespeare
1. The first New Year’s celebration dates back 4,000 years
2. Forty-five percent of Americans make New Year’s resolutions.
3. About 1 million people gather in New York City’s Times Square to watch the ball drop.
4. According to statistics from the National Insurance Crime Bureau, vehicles are stolen on New Year’s Day more than on any other holiday.
Singing “Auld Lang Syne” to greet the New Year
Green, Black & Gold
Let’s Wind Up…
In conclusion, New Year’s resolutions are for the birds. So forget about making resolutions, and instead, start your year off with some humorous and sarcastic quotes to get you motivated. Who says sarcasm isn’t motivational?
After all, why take life seriously if you can have a little fun with it? Let’s kick off 2022 with some attitude! So don’t just make this New Year a happy one; let’s make it a sarcastically happy one!