My Cousin Vinny is a 1992 American comedy film directed by Jonathan Lynn. The movie follows two newly graduated buddies from New York who find themselves in a sticky situation when they are accused of murder in rural Alabama.
My Cousin Vinny is praised for its witty dialogue and hilarious moments, many of which are immortalized in the film’s memorable quotes. From the classic “You’re out of order!”.
About My Cousin Vinny Characters And Storyline
My Cousin Vinny is an iconic 1992 comedy film starring Joe Pesci and Marisa Tomei. The movie was written by Dale Launer, My Cousin Vinny follows the journey of a street-wise lawyer who must defend his cousin in a Southern courtroom.
The movie’s memorable characters and storyline have kept viewers entertained for nearly three decades.
The film centers around two cousins, Vincent LaGuardia Gambini (Joe Pesci) and William “Billy” Gambini (Ralph Macchio), who is accused of murder while driving through Alabama on their way to college.
With no money to hire a lawyer from New York, they call upon Vinny, a brash yet inexperienced attorney from Brooklyn, to represent them in court. As Vinny begins to investigate the case, he discovers that the police officers may be fabricating evidence against his clients.
Funniest Quotes Of My Cousin Vinny
The movie My Cousin Vinny is filled with memorable lines and quotes that still make audiences laugh to this day.
Whether it’s the quick-witted dialogue between the characters or the dry humor of the film’s protagonist, Vinny Gambini, there are countless funny moments in My Cousin Vinny, let’s revise some of the funniest ones quickly:
Vinny Gambini: “Whoa. How many times did you say that spontaneous is romantic?”
Mona Lisa Vito: “A burp is spontaneous. A burp is not romantic.”
“Maybe it was a bad time to bring it up.”
Vinny: “Is it possible that the two youts–“
Judge Haller: “Uh, the two what? Uh, uh, what was that word?”
Vinny: “Uh, what word?”
Judge Haller: “Two what?”
Judge Haller: “Did you say “yutes”?”
Vinny: “Yeah, two youts.”
Judge Haller: “What is a yute?”
Vinny: “Oh, excuse me, Your Honor, two youths”
Stan Rothenstein: “No, you’re being booked for shoplifting. I’m being booked for accessory to shoplifting.”
Bill Gambini: “No Stan, I’m being booked for murder, you’re being booked for accessory to murder.”
Judge Chamberlain Haller: “Would you please answer the counselor’s question?”
Mona Lisa Vito: “No, I hate him.”
“That is a lucid, well thought-out, intelligent objection.”
D.A. Jim Trotter: “Ms. Vito, what is your current profession?”
Mona Lisa Vito: “I’m an out-of-work hairdresser.”
D.A. Jim Trotter: “An out-of-work hairdresser. In what way does that qualify you as an expert in automobiles?”
Mona Lisa Vito: “It doesn’t.”
“Take your time, pick the right words, get back to New York, give me a call.”
“Thank you, Ms. Vito. No more questions. Thank you very, very much. You’ve been a lovely, lovely witness.”
“You like to renegotiate as you go along, don’t you? Well, here’s my counter-offer. Do I have to kill you? What if I were just to kick the ever-loving sh*t out of you?”
“I was thinking last night. If only I knew what he knows, you know? If he’d let me look at his files, oh boy.”
Vinny Gambini: “Uh. Everything that guy just said is b*llsh*t. Thank you.”
Jim Trotter: “Objection, Your Honor, counsel’s entire opening statement is argument.”
Judge Haller: “Objection sustained. Counsel’s entire opening statement, with the exception of “thank you,” will be stricken from the record.”
“My biological clock is ticking like this. And the way this case is going, I ain’t never getting married!”
Judge Haller: “Mr. Gambini, didn’t I tell you that the next time you appear in my court that you dress appropriately?”
Vinny: “You were serious about that?”
Vinny Gambini: “Yeah, well, the man’s a seriously accomplished lawyer. If he checks up on this guy, his name will come up all over the place.”
Mona Lisa Vito: “His name was in the papers all last week.”
Vinny Gambini: “Yeah, I saw that.”
Mona Lisa Vito:” But you didn’t actually read the articles.”
Vinny Gambini: “No.”
Mona Lisa Vito: “Too bad.”
Vinny Gambini: “Why’s that?”
Mona Lisa Vito: “’Cause he’s dead.”
Vinny Gambini: “Nothing. You stick out like a sore thumb around here.”
Mona Lisa Vito: “Me? What about you?”
Vinny Gambini: “I fit in better than you. At least I’m wearing cowboy boots.”
Mona Lisa Vito: “Oh, yeah, you blend.”
“My alternatives? To what, to you? I don’t know. Suicide, death.”
Vinny Gambini: “Your Honor, may I have permission to treat Ms. Vito as a hostile witness?”
Mona Lisa Vito: “You think I’m hostile now, wait ’til you see me tonight.”
Judge Chamberlain Haller: “Do you two know each other?”
Vinny Gambini: “Yeah, she’s my fiancée.”
Judge Chamberlain Haller: “Well, that would certainly explain the hostility.”
My Cousin Vinny Quotes About Grits and The Deer
At the heart of this classic film is a hilarious story about grits and deer. Grits are a Southern staple, while the deer plays an unexpected role in this comedic tale. Let’s explore some of the quotes discussing these topics:
“Eggs and grits. I like grits, too. How do you cook your grits? Do you like them regular, creamy or al dente?”
“No self-respecting Southerner uses instant grits. I take pride in my grits.”
“So, Mr. Tipton, how could it take you five minutes to cook your grits when it takes the entire grit-eating world twenty minutes?”
“Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit faster in your kitchen than in any place on the face of the earth?”
“I don’t know, I suppose. I mean, I’m a man’s man—I could go deer hunting.”
“Whoa. You’re gonna shoot a deer?”
“A sweet, innocent, harmless, leaf-eating, doe-eyed little deer.”
“Imagine you’re a deer. You’re prancing along, you get thirsty, you spot a little brook, you put your little deer lips down to the cool clear water. Bam! A f*ck*n bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are laying on the ground in little bloody pieces! Now I ask ya. Would you give a f*ck what kind of pants the son of a b*tch who shot you was wearing?”
My Cousin Vinny Quotes About Trials and the Court
My Cousin Vinny is arguably one of the most hilarious courtroom comedies ever made; the film follows the story of two young New Yorkers who are put on trial for a crime they didn’t commit in Alabama.
But it’s not the plot that makes this movie so great; it’s the hilariously quotable lines delivered throughout!
“Oh, oh, oh, I’m sorry. You testified earlier that the boys went into the store, and you had just begun to make breakfast. You were just ready to eat, and you heard a gunshot. That’s right, I’m sorry. So, obviously, it takes you five minutes to make breakfast.”
“Mr., could you tell the court what color eyes the defendants have?”
“So would you say you got a better shot of them going in and not so much coming out?”
“Now. Mrs. Riley, and only Mrs. Riley. How many fingers am I holding up now?”
“Five minutes? Are you sure? Did you look at your watch?”
“Seven bushes. So, what do you think? Isn’t it possible you just saw two guys in a green convertible and not necessarily these two particular guys?”
“Ms. Vito, please answer the question. Does the defence’s case hold water?”
”Now Ms. Vito, being an expert on general automotive knowledge, can you tell me what would be the correct ignition timing on a 1955 Bel Air Chevrolet with a 327 cubic-inch engine and a four-barrel carburetor?”
Vinny Gambini: “Sheriff Farley, uh, what’d you find out?”
Sheriff Dean Farley: “On a hunch, I took it upon myself to check out if there was any information on a ’63 Pontiac Tempest stolen or abandoned recently. This computer readout confirms that two boys who fit the defendants’ description, were arrested two days ago by Sheriff Tillman in Jasper County, Georgia for driving a stolen metallic mint green 1963 Pontiac Tempest, with a white convertible top, Michelin Model XGV tires, size 75-R-14.”
Vinny Gambini: “Is that it?”
Sheriff Dean Farley: “No. A .357 Magnum revolver was found in their possession.”
Vinny Gambini: “Sheriff Farley, just to refresh the court’s memory, what caliber bullet was used to murder Jimmy Willis?”
Sheriff Dean Farley: “.357 Magnum.”
Vinny Gambini: “The defense rests.”
“He has to—by law, you’re entitled. It’s called disclosure, you d*ckh**d! He has to show you everything, otherwise it could be a mistrial. He has to give you a list of all his witnesses, you can talk to all his witnesses, he’s not allowed any surprises. They didn’t teach you that in law school either?”
My Cousin Vinny Quotes on Alabama and ‘64 Skylark
My cousin Vinny’s unique blend of humor and legal drama makes it a timeless classic. One of the most memorable elements of this film is the quotes about Alabama and the 64 Skylark.
From Mona Lisa Vito’s passionate defense that it “ain’t no Chevette!” to Vinny Gambini’s disbelief that “you can get a hunting license in Alabama with a purdy mouth!
“The ’64 Skylark had a regular differential—which, as anyone who’s been stuck in the mud in Alabama, knows.”
“The car that made these two equal-length tire marks had positraction. You can’t make those marks without positraction—which was not available on the ’64 Buick Skylark!”
“It’s a limited slip differential which distributes power equally to both the right and left tires.”
“I don’t want to hear explanations. The state of Alabama has its procedure. And that procedure at this point in time is to have an arraignment. Are we clear on this?”
“The laws are medieval down here. Do you know what the minimum age for execution is in Alabama? Ten!”
“Hey, Stan! You’re in Ala-f*ck*ng-bama. You come from New York. You killed a good old boy. There is no way this is not going to trial!”
“We think they’re trying to set us up as patsies, Ma. You know how corrupt it is down here. They all know each other.”
“The Klan’s here. They’re inbred. They sleep with their sisters. Some of them do.”
Let’s Wind Up…
In conclusion, the movie My Cousin Vinny is known for its sharp humor and iconic quotes. The movie brings plenty of laughs through memorable lines and other classic one-liners.
As the movie celebrates its 30th anniversary this year, it’s worth revisiting these funny quotes, And also, why not get together with a few friends and watch it?